Another mistake of my life.
Love makes you weak, not strong. Especially when it is done out of fear.
It hurts ! ya know. I have been so fucking depressed for 2 months and I constantly had the fear that someday you'll stop talking to me. Heck, I even put you on priority before my family and my friends. They say love makes you blind, guess they were right after all.
Don't mind this post. I am only writing this here because for fucks sake I just want to write it down. I have to get this out of my heart. A FB / WhatsApp status will get noticed. It's the only place I know of where no one will read it, ever. I thought we were close. Yes I did. And I'll always be the same. You've been pushing me away, I noticed that. Have I been too clingy ? I am sorry if I've been. I genuinely loved u bitch that's why I cared.
That blue dress along with skirt you wore when we went out for that movie. It was an Instant Crush. It was only a crush until I got to know you better.
We started talking. Late night chats. And that too almost everyday. Sometimes 4-5 hrs continously. Fuck, I am so disappointed. Not at you, silly. I can never be disappointed at you. I am disappointed at myself for falling for you. It was never supposed to grow out of casual friendship. But it did. Its strange but I can relate with Tyrion's quote.
You don't get to choose who you fall in love with.
And when you fall in love, you give that person all your attention. And you were always there for me too, to listen to me rant about things. I appreciate that. Thanks. You know I think my memory is fading day by day. Because it was related to you or something you told me that I remembered things. Lately I've been thinking that we are quite the opposite of each other. No we both are not asols.
Actually maybe I am. I have lied to you about a few things. But everybody does that, when they are seeking attention. I am sorry. No more lies from now on.
I think I have managed to make the beginning of this post crystal clear about love making you weak when you are afraid. Afraid of their opinion of you. But then again what is love ?
And we have discussed this quite often but I don't agree with your idea of love. We discussed everything, you know that. I have to write this down too. It hurt so bad when you told me about other guys hitting on you and your crush on that momo joint guy. Fuck. I cried that day and I've been crying a lot these days. And I hate myself for that. Not for crying but for having this wrong notion of love the whole time.
I still don't know what love is. But because of you, I know what it isn't. Thank You for being a part of this beautiful chapter of my life. I'll always cherish that. Loads of love bitch. And guess what, just now eliott smith's between the bars started playing on my playlist, smiles. I want to quote the best part of lyrics of the same song.
People you've been before, that you don't want around anymore. They'll push and shove won't bend to your will. I'll keep them still.